Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
