I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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