And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
