There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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