6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize