i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
