bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
