Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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