apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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