i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this beer tastes like vomit already
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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