I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
