Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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