Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
