he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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