im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
