Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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