I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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