it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize