i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
