Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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