About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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