Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
