That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
