I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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