White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
