Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
