Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
