it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
