I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
