what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
