so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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