holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
