Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
