God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
