woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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