The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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