i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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