Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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