Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
