There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
