Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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