I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
