It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
