I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
