I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
