help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
