Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
