I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
