fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the day after is always just damage control
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
