Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
