I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize