She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
