I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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