Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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