You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
