I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
