fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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