threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
