She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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