if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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